“I think it’s wonderful the way Misaki shows her love for her subjects through her camera. She captures everything from commuting to school to coming home and everything in between,” says Chad Moore. We talked with photographer Misaki Tsuge who just turned 20 this year about her photographic expression and herself.

Have you always taken photographs on film?

I only use film now, but I sometimes take pictures with my iPhone.

What was the first camera you got?

I bought this digital camera when I was in high school with the annual New Years gift money that I had saved up. I couldn’t take it to school with me because it was too big, so I took it with me to school festivals, field trips, and other events. When I sent those photos to my friends, they liked them. I didn’t really get it…

So I tried putting the pictures up on social media. Then someone online recommended trying film. When I was a sophomore in high school, I bought a used half-framed film camera for 7,000 yen. The film camera just barely fit in my pocket, so I carried it around with me. When I developed the film, it didn’t show up as nearly as exposed as I expected, but it turned out to be the picture I wanted to take. I was like, “that’s it!.” I enjoyed the idea of taking pictures. I sold the digital camera I had. I erased the data, and now it’s pretty much all gone.

When you finished high school did it feel like you’d lost your subjects?

So that’s things are tough right now. I’m not from Tokyo, and I don’t live in a place that’s easily accessible to Tokyo. Even if I leave on the first train from here (Tsuge now lives in Mie Prefecture), I don’t get to Tokyo until like 8:30am or so, so I can’t do early morning shoots.

When I graduated from high school, I didn’t even know photography as a job was a thing. I mean, I told my friends that I was thinking about quitting photography because I couldn’t take pictures of the things I love. But somehow I ended up getting this Pocari Sweat job and suddenly I realize photography can be a job. Of course I knew that there were “photographers.” But it felt different from me. More like part of the entertainment industry.

What have you done since you graduated from high school?

I joined a local nursing college. It seemed like I was bouncing back and forth between my dream and reality. I said I was going to quit photography after high school and I didn’t know why I wanted to take pictures so badly…but I couldn’t take pictures that I loved where I am now…the conflict between wanting to take pictures and reality was hard. If I decide to quit (college) next month, I’ll really think about it. That’s how I was living my everyday life.

What made me feel bad was a morning when I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking too much. I saw the light in one corner of the room and realized it was morning, so I put on my Crocs and took a picture outside, and it looked like evening. So I just went to bed and went to work, since college (classes) were over. There were days like that. I was crying every day. I was really at the bottom. Well, maybe I’m still at the bottom.

That was about 2018. So last year, I took my first semester exams and quit. The day I submitted my withdrawal letter, I took a picture of my second semester exam results board and my locker key.

What effect does taking pictures have on your mental health?

It’s better for me when I’m not shooting. I suffer a lot, and I feel sick, but I think I need to be in a difficult situation. And I don’t have any expectations (for the photos). I think every day that I won’t be able to take pictures tomorrow. I’m prepared to not be able to take pictures. Even if I’m having fun when I’m taking pictures, I don’t feel happy.

What are you working on now?

A relative of mine is a dry cleaner, and I’m taking pictures there. I don’t have any expectations because no one asks me to do these personal projects. So I feel the same way I did in high school. It’s fun to take pictures.

Why a dry cleaner?

My personal dry cleaners may disappear one day, so I wanted to take pictures while I can. Also, I can’t put it into words, and it doesn’t show up in my photographs, but it’s a very abstract and interesting thing that I think of as “something unusual.” I don’t really know what it is until I see it, so I’m always hoping to find it.